San Diego, Disconnected
When my fiancé suggested joining him for a quick weekend trip to San Diego, I jumped at the opportunity. Getting out of New York City in January? I didn’t have to think about it twice, my answer was a yes – loud and clear. I booked my flight a few hours later.
In all honesty, I had been feeling stressed since the start of 2020, or for the lack of a better word, “overwhelmed.” Our wedding abroad was fast approaching, and planning was moving along slowly, one very expensive decision at a time. Since when does renting chairs cost $2,000? Someone, please example this to me.
Most of my evenings after work weren’t spent exercising or, better yet, enjoying a cold beer with a friend kind enough to hear me out. Rather, they were spent at bridal salons where I desperately tried to find a dress for the big day (to learn more about this delightful process, continue here). Everything was happening at once, and I couldn’t catch my breath. Frankly, I’m amazed at how people have full-time jobs and hobbies, and on top of it all find enough time to raise kids, clean the house, and cook a hot dinner. Maybe even walk the dog and go on a run before work. You make it look easy, and I truly aspire to be you one day.
Unfortunately, this isn’t a story about the supermen and women of this world, just the tale of a girl in serious need of a chill pill. So back to my point: I was overwhelmed, and beating myself up about almost everything.
Finance: Who was I to be planning a wedding with student debt haunting me and lurking in every corner?
Career: Everyone around me seemed to be getting promoted, while I was stuck in limbo.
Bachelorette: Would my friends (who all live in different countries) find a way to make this happen, and why did I care so much?
Did I mention the dress? By this point, I was debating sewing my own.
I knew I should have felt a little bit more lighthearted; these weren’t real problems. How much of a brat do you have to be to complain about planning a wedding, the “best day of your life?” And yet I could feel anxiety mounting little by little, crushing me with its petty hands. Negative thoughts and unnecessary fears were surfacing, and I was struggling to keep them under control.
When my mom suggested that I go to a bridal appointment during my three-day trip to San Diego, I became angry. She only meant well, but couldn’t a girl catch a break? I told her that all I wanted from the weekend was to be left alone, and to not think about anything other than the California sunshine beating down on my skin.
As I got ready to leave for the airport, an idea struck me. If I really wanted to be “left alone” (as I so claimed), what if I turned off my cellphone for the weekend and simply disappeared? Easy, right? I would turn my device off for just three days – Friday, Saturday, and Sunday – and get some peace and quiet. No CNN updates about Coronavirus, the impeachment trial, or tragic aircraft crashes. No Instagram ads targeting me with wedding dresses. No FOMO, no text messages, no social media. As I brewed the idea over, I liked it. And then I began to realize just how much we rely on our cellphones. So many thoughts crossed my mind:
How will we get around without being able to order an Uber or Lyft?
How will I take photos?
How will I check-in for my flight on Monday?
How will we figure out where to eat?
How will we coordinate seeing our friend in town the same weekend?
Would I just steal Jean’s phone and use it instead of my own?
The worst thought of all, which I’m ashamed to even admit: how would I post stories to Instagram?
For a second I thought about leaving without my phone and felt genuine panic. It became obvious very quickly how much easier smartphones have made our lives, but nothing comes without a price. In return for constant connection and accessibility, we have become addicted to our devices and most of us don’t even realize it. Our smartphones have become our third arm. Leaving mine behind for a few days felt a bit like I was chopping off a finger.
On the way to the airport, I thought about how I could make my little experiment work. I called Jean about it, explaining that it would probably be impossible and make things harder for him, but I really wanted to try. Nothing was so important that it couldn’t wait until Monday when I was set to fly back to NYC.
Airplane mode, on
I decided to not overcomplicate my life, and instead of turning my phone off entirely I would put it on airplane mode – allowing myself access to my camera and an offline map if needed. This seemed reasonable. I wouldn’t have any access to the Internet, messaging, or phone calls.
To prepare for my disconnected weekend, I wrote down some recommendations that friends had given me of restaurants to check out in San Diego. This was going to be the hardest part of it all. I am notorious for looking up where to eat, where to drink, and what to do. I actually love doing this, but as with everything, there’s a dark side. I had recently spent a few days in Puerto Rico over the holidays, and most of the time-obsessed about finding the “best places” to eat – so much so that instead of being able to enjoy myself on the beach and just enjoy the moment, I was “worried” about where to go later that night. As much as I hate wasting my time and money on a crappy restaurant, excessively researching is equally a waste of time. Turns out, most of the restaurants I wanted to go to ended up being closed early or fully booked anyways.
I begged the question: would it really kill me to go with the flow for a weekend, and not triple check my itinerary in San Diego with a random blogger? We were about to find out.
Arrival
The first few hours without my phone were a breeze. Jean picked me up from the airport when I landed in San Diego, making it extra easy. Once I was with him, I put my phone on airplane mode and said goodbye to the world for a few days.
That evening, I didn’t need my phone, and I didn’t miss it. We were staying close to a lively neighborhood (Little Italy) with a lot of restaurant and bars, so instead of googling away we just wandered around. In the end we stumbled into a charming little place, nautical themed with copper and brass accents everywhere: Ironside Fish & Oyster. The food great. We shared a platter of oysters, shrimp, and best of all: two variations of ceviche. I was introduced to shrimp aquachile, which I had never heard of but came to very much enjoy. Best of all, no research was necessary.
Day One: Friday
I woke up the next day with a smile on my face. Instead of rolling over and scrolling through Instagram, I enjoyed the natural light flooding into our room and let the feeling of having a few days off sink in. There was nowhere that I needed to be, and no one that I needed to respond to.
Once again, Jean made things easy for me. He wanted to go to Balboa Park and navigated our way there – searching for a place where we could pick up a breakfast burrito along the way. He also ordered our Uber. At the park, we didn’t really need our phones and we were able to use the map from the visitor’s center. I snapped a few photos here and there, but felt no urge to check my phone for anything other than my camera.
…Until we saw two electric scooters, and immediately thought it would be fun to take these back to the hotel. There was only one qualm: to get one of the scooters, you need to access Lyft. To access Lyft, you need data. To get data, you need a phone. Annoyed by this fact, I caved to the idea anyways and reluctantly handed my phone over to Jean so at least I wouldn’t see any messages pop up as he turned my phone back on.
I had already failed on day one of our trip. Of course, I could have said “no, let’s not take the scooters back,” but why restrict myself from a cool activity that we don’t have back in New York City? This was an experiment, after all, so I made a mental note to write down just how hard it is to travel without a phone (really hard). Although I had been able to avoid using it for the most part, I still wasn’t ignorant to the fact that Jean was the one using his maps, orderings cabs, etc. Had he also turned off his phone, I would be writing a different story.
We had booked a whale watching trip for that afternoon. Because the trip takes you out onto international waters, we were told to turn off our phones anyways to avoid roaming charges. It was later that evening, however, as we sat watching the most beautiful San Diego sunset that I felt a pang of weakness. Jean was posting a story of it, and I wanted to do the same. I asked myself: why? So I could share the moment with my beloved “followers?” What was I, an influencer? Was it because I wanted to brag about my travels, show everyone that I wasn’t in cold and gloomy NYC?
Why can’t we, and I say we because I’m not alone in this, just put our phones away and savor the moment without feeling the urge to “connect”?
That evening we explored the Gaslamp Quarter, grabbing a drink at a bar with live music and later eating at a sushi restaurant for dinner. When I begged Jean to check the restaurant’s reviews out (or did I grab his phone and do it myself?), I knew I was already resorting back to my ways.
Day 2: Saturday
Saturday morning we received a ton of messages from another couple trying to organize a ski weekend with us. No, I hadn’t checked my phone, but I could see Jean was busy checking out the Airbnb’s they had sent over. I didn’t want to look but being the involved and too curious of a human that I am, I really wanted to see what they had picked (and apparently already booked).
I told myself it could wait, and so we set out to visit the Little Italy Farmer’s market. After having a coffee, sampling everything vendors had to offer, and eating lunch, we hopped in an Uber and headed down the coast to the La Jolla shore. Since being phone-less, I had taken up chatting with our Uber drivers and asking them for recommendations. Little did we know that our Uber driver was an incognito tour guide, and he offered to show us around his neighborhood. He took us to the most stunning viewpoint of La Jolla, snapped a photo for us, and explained where we should grab drinks. He planned out the entire day’s itinerary for us. Take that, Google. Nothing beats a local.
Jean went surfing, and during that time I decided to call my mom to check in (still not turning on my data, but sort of cheating.. whoops!). After relaxing in the sun for a few hours, we caught the sunset on some cliffs overlooking the water and then headed back. Not only did Jean order our cabs, but he also navigated our way around the town to find me a bathroom and coordinate plans with our friend in town — typically something I would do voluntarily.
We met our friends at a brewery down the street later that night and fortunately they had taken care of dinner plans. I realized afterward that it felt like everyone had looked at their phones just a little bit less that evening, and that’s saying a lot when one of them is an influencer. It felt great to simply enjoy spending time with them, totally focused and not distracted with the world outside our little happy space.
Day 3: Coronado
We decided to spend our day in the cute town of Coronado. Still determined to not use my phone, I checked the ferry schedules on my computer.
When we arrived at the dock, Jean found a shop where we could rent bikes. Once again, I took note of the fact that had he not used his internet for this, we probably wouldn’t have found the shop. Breakfast was crappy, albeit in a really cute diner. When we later biked past a block of adorable restaurants, all with outdoor seating, I thought to myself: if only had I know these were here. I wished that I had looked up reviews and suggestions for where to eat, but this is what happens when you agree to switch off your phone. Still, I was annoyed.
After biking along the boardwalk and along the beach in our cruisers, we explored Hotel Del Coronado and popped into a few shops. Deciding we had seen what we needed to see, we headed back and ordered a cab to explore Old Town. It was cute and touristy, and once again I wished I hadn’t already eaten so I could enjoy the authentic Mexican food that it’s known for. Note: a lot of my travel revolves around food, if you couldn’t tell.
Next we took another cab to Pacific Beach so we could watch the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Our driver recommended a bar so went there, trusting his word. One aquachile and Super Bowl later, we went back to our lovely hotel (The Guild - I recommend it) to put on some warmer clothes before heading back out for dinner. Naturally, the place we wanted to go to was closed, so we ended up at a Mexican restaurant. We later passed out from exhaustion, and I think I charged my phone for the first time that weekend.
Day 4: Monday
I was flying back to New York on Monday, so my “disconnected” weekend was over. As an anxious flyer, I allowed myself to turn on my data (disabling notifications) to check whether my flight was on time and how long it would take me to get to the airport. Did you know that the San Diego airport is literally seven minutes away? It’s actually pretty cool, and the view from up there is stunning.
After an amazing brunch at Morning Glory, a trendy spot in Little Italy that a friend had recommended (if you ever find yourself here, get the Morning Glory friend rice and the soufflé pancakes), I ordered myself an Uber and accessed my WhatsApp in the cab. I started looking at my screen more and more, trying to stop myself so I could enjoy those last few minutes of the California coast.
Once past security, I declared total defeat and resumed my normal smartphone activities. I checked my email, called my mom, glanced at Instagram, so on and so forth. Just like that, I was already walking around the airport staring at my screen instead of observing what was going on around me.
Conclusion
In the end, turning my phone off for the weekend was the best thing I could have done for myself. It allowed me to truly be in the moment, focus on the then and now. I was less triggered to worry, stress, feel left out, all of those silly emotions. The world didn’t change in just a few days, and the friend who had texted me could wait. Ignoring my phone reminded me that there’s truly no need to be constantly connected. In fact, it’s not healthy. Social media may keep you in the know, but be honest, does it truly bring you joy?
Although traveling without a phone isn’t easy, and requires advance research and preparation, Jean and I both used our phones less that weekend. My little experiment is one that I may just repeat some day soon.
I challenge you turn your phone off, even if just for a few hours. Don’t check social media. Ignore those “urgent emails.” Go ahead and enjoy the world around you – you might just miss it if you don’t.