10 Thoughts As I Turn 30
I’m turning 30 at the end of this week, and as this new decade approaches, there are so many thoughts dancing around in my mind.
To be honest, a part of me wants to pause time. There’s a dark part of me that fears getting older — fears sickness, aging, losing the spirit of youth. I know I’m supposed to radiate joy, opening my arms wide to this “better decade.” And on the one hand, that’s what I’m trying to do; I’m excited for 30 and everything it’s going to bring. Most people say that you finally “find yourself” as you get a little bit older and wiser and that you finally learn to feel great in your own skin. Your 30’s open up the possibility of growing professionally, creating a family, being able to travel more, and so much more.
All of that sounds amazing to me, but before I welcome this exciting age, I’d like to sum up the top ten things I’ve learned throughout my 20’s, and what I still hope to learn.
1. LIFE IS A GIFT
I haven’t faced some of the trauma and tragedies that others close to me have encountered, but I’m well aware that life is fragile, and I’m happy to be alive. Terrorist attacks and gun violence aren’t just something you hear about on the news. Cancer is real. Accidents happen. One day everything is fine, and the next everything could be turned upside down. Knowing this scares the living crap out of me, and I find that as I’ve gotten older I’ve worried more than necessary and have been subject to fear. Although it’s hard to push aside the anxiety and ignore all the horrible things happening around us, doing so is the only way to truly live. I’d like my 30’s to be a bit more about embracing every day for what it is: a day we’re lucky enough to be alive.
2. I AM NOT WHERE I THOUGHT I WOULD BE, AT ALL
If you told me that I would be married by the age of 30, I think I would have laughed. And yet here I am, legally married by the age of 30 and planning a big, beautiful wedding later this year. Those are two things that I truly never saw happening just quite yet. I’ve always been the girl who jokes that if I’m still single by 30 I’ll move to Australia. Guess I don’t need to start packing my bags! The point is, life surprises you. I’m not sure I ever pictured myself working as a writer in New York City, or living in a super cool apartment. It sounds more glamorous than it is, but these are still achievements. So no, my life isn’t exactly like I pictured it — essentially as an episode of Sex and the City, drinking cosmos every night with my girlfriends. It looks a bit different but in the best way possible.
3. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF
I have always edged toward the insecure side of the spectrum. I’m not really sure why, but I hate it. Maybe it has to do with being an only child, but I’ve always been really hard on myself and want everything to be pretty much perfect, including myself. I tend to compare myself to others and beat myself up. Just this morning I saw something on social media that made me jealous. I went down an entire spiral of how I’m not as successful as I wished I would be by this age, how I haven’t traveled enough, how I’m not trying hard enough, etc. What good did any of that do for me? It just made me feel bad about myself. My suggestion to the future Olivia: stop comparing yourself. You are amazing the way you are.
4. AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, BE YOURSELF
Be proud of who you are, and own it. When I was a little girl, I was often really embarrassed that I spoke another language, and that kids at the grocery store would look at my mom and me like we were aliens when she spoke with an accent or we chatted in Polish. I would ask her to speak to me in only English around others or to speak quietly so no one would hear us. Thinking back, I’m ashamed to even admit this kind of behavior. I wasted so much time wanting to fit in so badly and hated that we weren’t like everyone else. I’ve finally learned that you shouldn’t shy away from who you truly are. Today I’m proud to be a first-generation American that speaks three languages fluently. It’s who I am, and no one should ever feel the need to mask their true self.
5. CONFIDENCE IS KEY
I haven’t been putting any effort into my appearance lately. I’ve been busy, and I just haven’t cared. But there is some truth to feeling as good as you look. Confidence is a shell, so do what you need to do to feel great about yourself — whether that be putting on red lipstick one morning, going for a run, trying something new, or saving up money to buy that trendy thing you’ve been dreaming about. For those who are like me and confidence may not come as naturally, I think it’s important to define little personal goals that will bring you up and make you feel good about yourself. So what if that job rejects you? It wasn’t right for you. So what if someone said something rude behind your back? That’s their problem. Be confident and don’t let anyone bring you down, including yourself.
6. HEALTH IS PARAMOUNT
Without our health, we are nothing. Although I try to cook often enough, wash my face, exercise, you know the drill, I still find it really freaking hard to take care of myself and listen to my body. If you’re tired, go to bed. If you don’t want to see anyone, stay in. If you’re not feeling happy? Take yourself shopping, read a book, meditate, do you! Listen to what your body is telling you. Health, both mental and physical, are the most important assets that we have. Find the time to exercise, eat well, and take care of yourself. You’ll thank yourself later on down the line.
7. MONEY ISN’T EVERYTHING
Yes, we need money to live the life we want to live, to travel, to buy nice things, and to eat. Yet money can be a cause of anxiety, especially if there’s not enough of it or you just wish you were making more. I’ve been in that situation before — the one where I bring myself down because I don’t make as much as someone. Oftentimes, we link our salary to our “success.” Please don’t forget that it’s not everything, and it’s definitely not as important as health. Money also doesn’t define you. It may make life easier, but it doesn’t make you any better of a person.
8. KEEP LEARNING AND GROWING
To remain fulfilled, you need to continue learning and growing. Problems arise when we flat line. I’ve learned that it’s important to try out a new sport, take a class, learn a language, or do something you wouldn’t typically do. It’s easy to forget about personal development when we get so wrapped up in our jobs and daily lives, but I believe branching out of the ordinary is key to having a rich and satisfying life. Recently I’ve started taking ice skating lessons again, which has been a great way to shake things up and focus on something other than my to-do list. Another goal that I have, and maybe can finally achieve in my 30’s, is learning how to speak Spanish. Although it may take time, money, and energy to keep learning and growing, it’s certainly worth it.
9. EMBRACE CHANGE
Some of us fear change or taking risks, but let’s just ask ourselves: what’s the worst that could really happen? I’ve come to learn that change isn’t something to be feared, rather it should be embraced. Life’s all about taking risks and believing in those little leaps of faith. Move to that new, big exciting city! Go on that ski weekend! Dye your hair purple! If you’re unhappy with the direction your career is taking, change it! No one has the power to make these changes but you. If you don’t, you may end up one day regretting the risks you didn’t take and the changes you didn’t make.
10. FORGIVE AND FORGET
Don’t let resentment or bitterness consume you. If someone has hurt you, get over it and move on. There are more important things to spend our time on. I have to admit that I’ve definitely struggled with holding grudges or feeling disappointed by someone who has let me down. I’ve lost friends, sometimes for reasons that I don’t understand. Nevertheless, it’s necessary to make a conscious effort to push negative feelings and emotions aside. By focusing on the good, more is bound to come.
Bring it on 30, I’m ready for ya.